Allie got in the car after school on Tuesday and looked sad or maybe tired. This is pretty out of the norm for her, as she is usually happy go lucky. I decided to investigate the problem. In a matter of seconds, the issue surfaced:
Allie,”Ugh. My boyfriend broke up with me today.”
“Well, Allie, you’re 8. I think you’ll be okay. Besides, I think we both know you don’t need a boyfriend. Being 8 isn’t about boyfriends. It’s about playing, having friends, and being a kid. You will have plenty of time in your life to think about how much you want to strangle a boy*.”
Allie,”Oh, I know. But still, what kind of loser breaks up with me? I think I’m cool.”
“That’s an excellent question. You’re smart and funny. You’re always happy, and you’re pretty. Not to mention, you have the best hair out of anyone I know in basically the history of ever. You, well, you are a total gemstone.”
Allie,” Yeah. You’re right. What a scum knuckle. Besides, I already have a new boyfriend named Harold?” All of this said while her sad expression morphed into one of cynicism and giggles.
“There’s a second grader named Harold? Does he go by that?” I asked, trying not to lose focus on the subject at hand and go off on a rant in my head about the things people name their children**.
Allie,”Not even close, that’s just what I call him: Harold.” Then she laughed like a hyena.
And that is why if left to listen to someone for hours upon hours, it would be Allie.
Allie and Harold sittin’ in a tree, R-E-A-D-I-N-G.
*Not all boys need strangled. But some of them do need a slap upside the head. (Not my boyfriend, because he is a man, like a real one and not just someone who thinks they are a man because they’ve gone through puberty. The latter of which sadly accounts for most men in this area. I think any further rants about that would need a whole other post and would distract from this bit.)
**While what other people name their children obviously isn’t my business, I think when naming a child you should realize how much power you truly have in the initial impression they make. If your daughter is born with a stripper name, it may be difficult for her to become President. I would probably never vote for someone called Precious or Trixie. However, I am only one person. So.